drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
