remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
