the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
