That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
