Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
