I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
