remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
