So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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