The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
