I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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