My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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