overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize