Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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