Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
