So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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