dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
