when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
