i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
