dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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