I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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