dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
