i just wanna soil my oats bro
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
