You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
