the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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