I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
