I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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