so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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