You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
