Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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