Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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