Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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