tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
