my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
