U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
