it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
