did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
