Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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