I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm always down for nudity.
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