Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
