Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
