I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
