New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
