my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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