So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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