i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
