dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
