Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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