planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
