Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
