So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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