I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
