that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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