shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
