dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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