i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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