Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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