it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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