Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
