I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
