Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
