U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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