I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
