Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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