i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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