My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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