the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
