i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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