my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
