hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
