I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
4 words: hood of his car
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
