your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
