Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
