My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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