I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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