Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
